I know you have seen countless articles telling you about the importance of self-care, about the power of routines, about the moms who can “do it all.” The intent of this messaging is well intentioned but, in practice, it sets many of us up for failure. Myself included.
Long before I was married and had kids, I discovered Gretchen Rubin’s The Happiness Project. At the time, it changed my life. I read the book, cover to cover, countless times. I even bought a copy for my mom. When I met my husband, I encouraged him to read it too. The idea is that you identify changes that you want to make, and then you implement one new habit each month. Then, by the end of a calendar year, you have added twelve new habits to your life.
It sounds like a great plan. And I definitely found it to be successful in my twenties.
The problem came once I became a mom.
I was 39. I had my two littles in tow. I worked from home and cared for my two sons full-time too. I wanted to find a way to fit self-care into my week, and I was really struggling to make it work. I attempted to turn to The Happiness Project once more, but I couldn’t get any of my new habits to “stick.” It was just too much.
It has taken me years of trial and error to find routines that work for me, that I can also continue consistently. Here is what I learned:
One thing at a time, one day at a time
Don’t try and create a complicated, lengthy new routine, all at once. I made this mistake multiple times. I tried to get up an hour earlier, meditate, exercise, do yoga, journal, and visualize, all before my sons woke up. Obviously, I tried to do too much, and I failed quickly. Instead, I found that I could start by waking up fifteen minutes early and doing one of the things on my list.
Don’t throw the baby out with the bathwater.
It is okay to fail. The key is to keep trying, right away. If you fail on the first day, make a commitment to yourself that you will try again tomorrow, instead of giving up altogether.
Be flexible.
Your routine might have seemed perfect in your head. But you might find that the routine you create is not enjoyable. You might find that you are more of a night person. You might catch a cold on the third day of your routine, and it stops you in your tracks. You are human. You are learning. Make adjustments, and keep trying.
It isn’t glamorous.
TikTok tells us otherwise. We see moms recording their morning routines—aesthetic videos, perfect hair, full makeup, spotless house. That isn’t real. Routines might mean greasy mom buns, yoga in pajamas, failed meditation attempts. But the goal is progress, not perfection.
In short, the key to creating self-care routines is this: be flexible, keep it simple and do what makes you happy. Most importantly, keep going.
Do you have a similar experience? How do you create self-care strategies that stick? And what are your favorite self-care activities? Share your thoughts in the comments below!
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